My wife read to me this inspiring message from Liz Budd Ellman, M.Div, Executive Director of Spiritual Directors International. Ms. Budd Ellman wrote about the death of her mother. The words of Presbyterian Minister Frederick Buechner are most powerful and are quoted. As you read below, remember your loved one who may have passed away and be mindful that you still have the amazing and astonishing gift of life.
That which is most personal and real is also most universal. You will relate and recognize so much life here. Notice what thoughts, feelings and memories stir within you as you read these words. I invite you to read them aloud to yourself. You can also read this at SDI Membership Moments.
“My mother died two weeks ago. I am in grief. Thank you for walking with me. Even though my father, three brothers, and I witnessed my mother’s frail body fading and were able to say goodbyes, it was a shock.
A lot has gone on. My mind has not settled. My heart hurts. Yet, I want to share with you some snippets of this experience that have been meaningful to me, in hopes of reminding all of us the preciousness of life, particularly during this sacred season of gathering with family and friends.
In death, my mother continues to be a spiritual companion and teacher. It was my mother’s wish to include balloons at the service celebrating her life. As a woman of deep faith, she wanted us to know that she was okay, that her Christian faith meant that death is not to be feared. I think she wanted us to laugh, to share memories, and to practice letting go by releasing balloons. I was not prepared for the bittersweet beauty the balloons created against the winter sky.
My mother was a sculptor. She was commissioned more than ten years ago to create a sculpture for the Columbarium Garden next to our family church. The sculpture is of a feminine figure, arm outstretched, with a palm gesturing upwards. My mother named it: Unto You I Commend My Spirit.
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We stepped out of the church after the service, each of us receiving a colorful balloon. As we processed to the sculpture, the message of her sculpture and the sermon during the service were with me: Live.
This quote from Frederick Buechner was included in the sermon: ‘You are seeing everything for the last time. And everything you see is gilded with goodbyes: the child’s hand like a starfish on the pillow, your hand on the doorknob, the dachshund’s lurching off the forbidden couch when you come through the door. It is the first day, because it has never been before. And it is the last day, because it will never be again. Be alive, if you can, through today, this day of your life. Follow your feet, put on the coffee, start the orange juice, the bacon, the toast. Then go wake your children and think about your life, and about living, and about the work of your hands.’
My beloved mother lived those words. The work of her hands included sculpting, knitting prayer shawls, creating quilts for charity, and making Christmas tree ornaments that will make me laugh and cry this December as I hang them on our tree. She passed on her faith to us, and in turn, I pass on her encouragement to come alive to this day.
My Godmother sent an email from Tanzania letting me know that my mother offered her a quote when her father died: ‘God gave us memories so that we’d have roses in December.’
May you be alive in December, creating joyful memories with your beloved family and friends. May you remember to keep a look out for strangers in grief who may appreciate your companionship this season.
Reflection: Who are you remembering this holiday season? What kind of legacy is your journey leaving for your loved ones?”
Let us not squander a moment. With you in celebrating the sacrament of life moment by moment.
We are all sparks of the Divine flame
Blessed Be
Compassionate Be
Boldly Be
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